Single Mom’s Guilt

I hear it too often; "I feel so guilty, I'm just not enough". There are so many single moms who are struggling every day to provide for their kids. The majority do not receive the child support that is fair, or the harsh reality, anything at all. Even the moms who have jobs that provide a good salary and benefits are riddled with guilt... guilt that can't stay home, their kids are shuffled around or there is no dad present.

Moms of today were most likely raised in a two parent home where, chances are, mom stayed home. What you know is what you think is right. The definition of "family" has changed. The new definition of family, as written by a world renowned hospital, is "your family is who loves you". Good for the families that consist of a dad, mom and 2.5 kids. The other 50% of the population should not feel inferior. There are beautiful families with very well adjusted children where the parents or guardians are two women, or two men, a mom and a grandma, or a mom and uncle who is involved. The combinations are endless.

I have seen single moms lavish their children with material things to make up for the lack of a father. One mom was surveying the Christmas gifts, wondering if it was enough for her two year old who hadn't even grasped the concept of Santa. My thought was yes, enough for five kids! There are other moms who can't put a hot meal on the table every night. But no matter what the situation, being mom is enough.

There was an article written by a young man who was raised by a single mom who waitressed at two restaurants. His father was financially successful, remarried with children and lived in a big house. The father had regular visitation, took him on vacations and bought him every fun thing a kid would want but he was never allowed to take anything home. What this young man did not realized was his father didn't pay his fair share of child support, which was why his mother's life was a daily struggle. What was so heart warming, was this young man did not remember all the toys his dad bought or the vacations he went on. What he remembered with great fondness was his mom taking walks with him, holding him at night, reading stories, having her full attention at dinner. His life with his mom was humble, but he said he would always choose mom.

In the reality show, The Walburgers, Donnie Walberg from New Kids on the Block and Blue Bloods, often refers to his humble childhood. There were nine kids and his dad drove a bread truck. They never had anything new, shared beds and often had cereal for dinner, but dinner was always at the table with the family. His love for his mother is obvious and he tells her so often. She always says, "I did the best I could". Donnie always replies that she was the best and they didn't know any different. They were all happy.

In this fast paced world where you must always be available, there are a few things you can do to make sure your child feels like he is your priority. Sit at the table for dinner, even if it is only mac n cheese, without your cell phone. When you are reading to your child at night, don't keep checking your email. That makes them feel like anything else is more important.

I had quality conversations and got the most information out of my kids when we were in the car. We didn't have cell phones then, so they were a captive audience. Turn the radio off. You will be amazed at how open your child will become when there is no distraction. More often then not, they would start the conversation. They would discuss more than their daily activities, they would talk about their feelings. Moms, you are missing out if your kid is strapped in a car seat and you are on the phone.

Make your kid feel like they are your priority. Before you know it, they will be grown and your heart will ache for time with your child. At the end of the day, your child will look back on their life and remember how they felt, not what they had or did.

Nothing else matters.

Single moms, lighten your burden. Cast off the guilt. You are enough!

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